I’m sitting here on my bed in my very messy room, coughing my guts up and struggling to come up with a topic for you guys. It’s 4.45pm on a Monday and I’ve walked the 50 minutes to The Valley, with a quick lunch break on the way, printed off resumes, spend 2 hours writing on a topic that I figured out will need more than a few hours to adequately cover (stay tuned), then walked the 50 minutes back home and I still don’t know what to write.
On my walk home I did come to the realisation that its been a while since I wrote something personal on here. In my goal to inspire you I forgot that this isn’t just about the way that I can help you, but (selfishly) the way that you can help me, which in its own way helps you.
The last year of my life has been a complete whirlwind, and while I’m enjoying the journey and learning and loving so much about myself along the way, I have to admit, it can get really hard. Now I’m not about to sit here and tell you hard my life is (because honestly, it really isn’t that bad), but it’s really important to me that I am my authentic self on here, because if I can’t do that, how can I possibly expect you to be interested in what I have to say? After all, this blog is called Miranda’s Wellness and my goal is to share my wellness journey with you as well as helping you with your own journey.
So lately, I have been rather disoriented. I finished a 4 1/2 year long chapter of my life, I’m unemployed, dirt poor, and still coming to terms with what it is to be single, as this is the first time I have really been single in my lifetime. I’m very lucky, because I have great friends, some who have also just finished the degree and truly are the only ones who get how I’m feeling, some who keep me company long-distance via text and social media, some who I live with and make me giggle every day, and some who are so generous with their time, their support, their love, their company and their listening. But despite all this, here I am, in the messy room I’ve been attempting to clean for a few weeks now, and still feeling stuck. The space of my room really is a representation of the space in my head – unorganized, cluttered and stagnant.
That’s not to say I’m not making progress, guys – on both my head and my room – slowly.
But when I say that you help me, I mean it! For starters, you ask for my help, my opinion and my knowledge, which helps because I’m forced to look at something new/unfamiliar or look at something from a new perspective. I don’t try to pretend that I know everything, I am and will always be learning, but when you engage with me it pushes my learning that bit further, which I love. Secondly, you make me accountable, because I know that if I want to help other people I must first help myself. Part of that is to make healthy choices, or have a healthy attitude about the choices that I do make, and it motivates me to make those choices if I can show them off on Instagram and Facebook (come on, we all do it!). And thirdly, I get to see the things you do or eat or make when you post them on my wall, use my Instagram tag (#mirandaswellness) or tag me, which not only gives me fab ideas, but it makes me proud to see that a. you associate the healthy things you do with me (very freakin cool) and b. you want to share these positive parts of your life with little ol’ me (even more freakin cool!) and it spurs me ever further.
The thing is that what I want to show you that, hey! I’m human too! And I think that so far I’ve been fairly successful with this. My Instagram account @mirandaswellness is my personal and only Instagram account, so I post everything on there, the green smoothies, the chocolate cake, the yoga, the tea, the festivals, the beer! Being congruent in my lifestyle is very important to me, but I refuse to pretend that I am perfect – it just doesn’t sit well with me because I know that I’m not. We all have an ideal person we can see ourselves being, and some people are better at being that person than others. All I know is that, for me, I’ve realised and accepted that every day there is a part of me that wants to sit in front of the TV eating piles of cheese and chocolate all day, and some days that part of me is very big, most days its small, but its always there. All I can do is force myself to remember the positive things that I feel when I make better choices and if I do give in, not to beat myself up about it or let it ruin my day, and also, not to let myself get away with too much *insert fatty cheeky gluttonous Miranda face here*.
Another thing I will also say is that I don’t buy in to those fitspo “what’s your excuse?” posts out there. If they work for you, that’s brilliant, but I’m not the sort of person who gets positive motivation out of stuff like that, and I just want to say that if you are also someone who ends up beating themselves up because you see posts like that, just don’t subscribe to that bullshit. You know you, you know what works for you and what doesn’t, and you know how to improve the things about yourself that you want to. I’m all for tough love, but I’d rather read something empowering about how you are a total babe just as you are and if you want to be healthy because its good for the person that you are, not for the way that you look, then please, go forth and run, squat, dance, cycle, lift, do whatever. And if you can’t find anything that says as much, then here:
YOU, my friend, are a TOTAL FREAKING BABE!
So there you go, I was lost, but I found my rant in the end. I hope it makes sense to you, or at the very least made you love yourself a little more.