Sometimes when life gets busy or tough, or other things seem more important, you can forget the value of “the little things” that make you feel good about who you are. I certainly feel like that is exactly where I’m sitting right now after two weeks of, for lack of a better term, a complete and utter clusterf*ck. And of course, it’s totally normal for life to go to shit sometimes, but when you finally move free from it, you realise all the things you’ve let go to shit with it.
I am acutely aware that I am not a tidy person in general, and being single and solely responsible for everything in my own life can sometimes allow me to be incredibly slack when the going gets tough (now, brace yourself for exactly how bad I can get, because I know the germaphobes will probably run a mile screaming, and with them, any potential dates for the next six months). While I’m feeling like shit, I’d say the first thing to become lax is my personal hygiene. It’s not as if I go days without showering, but I may skip a day here and there, or forget to do the morning brush of the teeth due to running late and choosing breakfast over oral hygiene (because I’d rather have a brain that functions and breath that smells than fresh breath and an inability to function for the day #nutritionistlifepriorities). My room, of course will get pretty messy (which I’m proud to say, this time, it actually didn’t get too bad – go Team Mira!), my diet becomes quite basic and unhealthy by my own standards, and I stop doing things that I enjoy because for whatever reason, the idea of facing them can be too hard, or I convince myself that I need to go without because I can’t afford it.
However, coming out of that headspace, after hitting its rock-bottom, can be an incredibly cleansing experience. You get so sick of yourself, of your own excuses and feeling the way that you feel that you can’t wait to do anything and everything to feel better. When it’s been as bad as it can get and it’s beginning to get better, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, you remember what it is to feel alive and human and happy and you have a rationality that you almost struggle to recognise.
This was ultimately clear to me over the past few days. First, while splashing around in the puddles in my bright red gumbies and watching the rain constantly and so heavily fall on the Friday in Queen St Mall and being so aware of the moment. Second, while talking to a fellow writer and wonderful friend about what it is to be a writer and a human and how to find your voice when life does not reflect the spirit your writing usually embodies. Thirdly, when I had absolutely nothing else to do, and felt the sudden inspiration to work on something for my business that has been incredibly invaluable while working today. And finally, in the middle of a free yen-yoga class my friend Tiff had invited me to at LuLuLemon, when I realised how long it had been since I had given myself the gift of that absolute feeling of fulfillment that no one else could possibly give to me, but me.
This made me realise how much I had been putting aside my needs not just in the past two weeks, but for quite a while now. Little things, like a haircut, or spending the money to do something that I not only enjoy, but is beneficial to my health.
Of course, I want to save money where I can, and get as much incidental exercise as I can, but, sometimes when financial things get difficult, my priorities shift, and I let them stay there, long after I need to. Then that little push of hey, I do need a regular haircut/eyebrow wax/dinner with friends/contribution to my own savings actually spurs me to work harder, which in turn makes me feel better too.
So that is where I’m at right now. While I think my hair can wait one more week, I’ve spent my entire day working towards my dreams and I’m rewarding myself with a 5-class pass to a local yoga studio, the first class of which I’ll be off to tonight. When I get home, I’ll cook a nourishing dinner and have a pamper night in the tub. It’s already been incredibly rewarding , and that light at the end of the tunnel is so close now that I’m beginning to forget the darkness.
So while life continues with its usual pattern of highs and lows, I want to remember to prioritise the little things. Because when they are there and life does go to shit, the little things can be the lights that lead me in the direction of my fulfillment, or at least for the moment, remind me that not everything has gone to shit with it.