We all need to stop judging

I am absolutely sick to death of hearing people judge other people.

It happens everywhere; among my friends, on Facebook (of course), the “news”, on blogs and even among a group of fellow practitioners who have been taught, like I have, to view every human being with unconditional positive regard. And it just makes me so frustrated!

Are you perfect? No, you’re not! You are human, and so are they, so kindly shut up!

Dr John Demartini puts it perfectly when he says that

Everything you see in others is a reflection of what actually exists within you, though you may be too humble or too proud to admit it

and I think that is a great explanation of judgement. You can only recognise in others the traits that you have within yourself, and that reflection – that mirror – makes you uncomfortable, so you try to deflect others from seeing it within you by putting down the person who you see it in.

The thing about Demartini that resonates most with me is that he tells it how it is, and that can be incredibly confronting. When I first heard this quote, of course I denied it. But the more it popped up in my thoughts, the more I began to realise how true it is. (Dude is wise!)

It’s one thing to say

“What other people think of me is none of my business.”

(which is one of my favourite quotes), but if you truly want to stop caring about what other people think of you, you need to stop giving power to the judgemental thoughts you have about others.

And I am not saying this to try to give you any illusion that I have never been judgemental towards others and outwardly voiced those judgements, because, of course I have! I’m just saying that you have a choice; the choice to superficially make yourself feel better by judging someone else, or to simply say, “That’s their life, their choice; it doesn’t affect me. It’s none of my business.”

This is something I do my best to be mindful of every single day.

Most of the time when we make these judgements we don’t have much information to go on. We may feel that we are simply voicing concern for that person’s wellbeing, but if that person has not asked for your advice or your opinion on their eating habits/parenting/sex life/sexual preference/clothing style/body shape/etc, then what is the point in voicing it? Especially because most of the time, it’s not even voiced to the person you are “concerned” about.

Make the choice to view everyone with unconditional positive regard. Choose to recognise what it is the person who stirs up these feelings is reflecting within you and work on them – they are sticking out to you for a reason. Remember that you are no better than anyone and that no one is better than you. Stand up for those who are being judged in your world and educate wherever you can.

We are all human, we are all doing our best with the information we are given in life, and you’d be surprised how much better you can feel about yourself and the world when you let go of judgement.

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5 thoughts on “We all need to stop judging

  1. “That’s their life, their choice; it doesn’t affect me. It’s none of my business.” THIS. I have been trying to hard lately to use this to combat people negatively judging others around me. Especially when it comes to the way they act, or what they spend their money on – I simply say “I understand your concern, but it’s their choice and it doesn’t affect us, so it’s not worth worrying or talking about”. It’s hard though! It’s very easy to get caught up in what other people are saying. Great post Mira! x

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know! It’s so hard. Sometimes, if it’s a long rant, and they can’t hear when I point out that it’s none of our business, I just have to let them rant and tune out. But good on you for fighting the good fight babe! We’ll get there one day!x

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  2. Well said Miranda. I loved this, it’s just a pity that there are not more people who go by this. We have not travelled other people’s life’s, so therefore do not know what they have been through. We do not have that right to lay judgement on others. But sadly, yes, some make them feel better about themselves by talking about, and judging others. I’m so proud of you young ladies to be learning this so early in your lives, it took me many more years to learn this, and I’m still learning everyday!!! Better late than never, hey? Keep up the great work.

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    • Aww shucks! Thanks Lynne! I’m really glad I’m learning it now too. It’s caused me so much unhappiness in the past, but when I kept hearing so many women say that they stopped caring what people thought in their 40s and 50s, I realised that I didn’t want to wait that long, so have been working towards it ever since. I think, in a way, the internet is responsible for fostering so much support between women, young and old, and I think it’s so important and positive – its a great thing to be a part of, and its certainly brought new depth to all of my relationships.
      Thanks for reading Lynne =)

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